Fuel is What I Desire

Metallica says it best:

Give me fuel
Give me fire
Give me that which I desire

This has been a day that sparked my old interest in getting a BMW M5. Hell Yeah. I have the garage space and I have the discipline to take care of it. Just give me another 10 years to have the income to pay for it.

What a freakin' tease this day has been!

A co-worker has an Audi S4 (V8/344HP).



It looks like a beast, it sounds like a beast and it drives like a beast. Whooooah Nelly! This is his baby and he let me drive it to lunch and back to work. What's the catch? Well, he wants to learn how to drive his clutch better and get the most out of his car. Well, geez, I am just the guy to help out with that. First though, I need to feel how the car handles in order to provide some tips.

I was shocked to see that he agreed.

Let's get the bad out of the way first, because this is a great car and I don't want to end it on a bad note. The clutch pedal feel isn't all that great. It leaves something to be desired. You should be able to release the clutch pedal as quickly as you need to.

Imagine bringing your arm back to pimp-slap yo bitch. This is a new age, ladies. Men aren't the only pimps and women aren't the only ones that can be classified as bitches these days either. I'll put it to you the way I learn from my dad, "now focus goddammit, I am trying to tell you something important here. What was I saying?" Oh yes, so imagine how quickly you desire to bring your pimphand back to slap a ho. You are going to assume that you are in full control of how fast you bring it back, right? We all know you are bringing it back fast, because you have some power to put behind that thing. shoooooot. Now imagine having someone pushing against your arm as you try to bring your arm back quickly. What the hell you say, because it's not moving quick enough for you to get your slap on! How aggravating! A pimp must swing it back quickly in order to deliver the appropriate ho smack.

So a pimp is now stuck with a slow back swing that isn't going to deliver the expected result when racing to get the job done. This is the same problem with the S4 clutch pedal. Once you push that sucker in, you expect to be able to release it to the catch point as quickly as your foot comes up. Not necessarily. On the right foot, you have a happy trigger gas pedal that is cousins with Speedy Gonzalez. On the left foot, you have a valum-laced clutch pedal that is cousins with the freakin' tortoise! No comprendo, senior! I am not even going to get into explaining how high the catch point is. BUT IT'S RIDICULOUS TOO.

On the flip side. This thing hauls ass like a cop to the inaugural opening of Dunkin' Donuts. I am sorry, that was rude.

More like Krispy Kreme.

Ok, I'll leave cops out of it. This thing hauls ass like a stoned degenerate on his way to White Castle for a 30-pack of mixed hamburgers and cheeseburgers.

I giggled. I will not lie. I giggled in front of two other guys. You know what...they giggled too. We had a gay old time and giggled to and from lunch. The only thing that kept us straight was the freakin' V8 under that beast of a hood.

mmmmmm, M5.


Well, to top it off, I ended up seeing Cars, the Pixar movie, tonight to top off my car experiences for the day. I know, it's just an animation. How dare you call Pixar, "just an animation!" Unbelievable graphics, sound, and realistic talking cars. I want a freakin' talking car dammit.

mmmmmm, M5.


Quote from Cars that makes me want to reflect:
"Cars used to want to take their time enjoying this road. Now they just want to use it to get wherever they are going quicker."

Give me an M5 and I'll enjoy any road in front of me.