Three to the Sea

One sea burial is hard enough to endure, but three sea burials all at once provides for a very challenging day.

My best friend contacted me a couple weeks ago to inform me that his mother had a few days left to live and he was on the next flight out to spend as much time with her as possible. She died within a couple of days of his arrival. I've known his mother for 22 years and never thought this day would come so quickly. However, even to this very moment, I am thankful he had a chance to be with her up to her last dying breath.

Within a matter of days that I learned about her death, my father called me to say we lost my grandfather. The feeling of loss was shocking and overwhelming. I had a ticket to go home to support my best friend, my family and to be supported.

My first order of business was to support my friend by helping clean out his mother's house. During his first days of beginning to organize and move stuff, he came upon the remains of his grandmother. Our need to bury the remains of his mother and my grandfather became a ceremony for three.

We took my parent's boat off the shore of Santa Barbara to celebrate the lives of three very unique and special people that had an immense affect on our lives. It was a beautiful Santa Barbara day for a ceremony of this magnitude.

We love you Rockie, May, and Maria. Be in peace and thank you for shaping our family.

Rockie Tavares Eulogy

To say Rockie had flare in his life is an understatement. He lived for his boxing, long walks, even longer car rides, and of course, like a true sailor, his female accompaniment. And occasionally, he was mistaken for a mafia member due to his sense of style extending from his ever-so pressed 1970’s wardrobe, with gradient aviator sunglasses, to his impeccably clean town car. He left an impression any where he went, just as long as it wasn’t on the things he owned.

Rockie was known for his acknowledgment of others. Whether it be a strong handshake, two-finger handshake, or one-finger salute. He never failed to follow up his acknowledgements with a smile, a witty one-liner, a small chuckle, or a combination of the three. If you were lucky, he would throw a “Hey Dude” in there.

One of my fond memories of Rockie was his willingness to go the distance. If you were in the company of Rockie and had a morning to kill, you would find yourself in San Francisco having breakfast at nine in the morning. Rockie lived for the extraordinary. A bowl of clam chowder is just a bowl of clam chowder to those that live in San Francisco, but making a 5 hour drive to have a simple bowl of clam chowder all of a sudden makes it a little bit more special. He and Nana would find themselves in Buellton having pea soup so frequently it was as if they lived around the corner. For Rockie, they did.

Growing up, I found comfort in his jokes and laughter, but also feared his stoic presence. I never knew if he really was concerned with family matters. However, this proud man showed his love for the family in small ways. As a kid, I found myself spending a weekend at the coach with Rockie and Nana. I wasn’t sure what to expect. If Rockie would plop me in front of the T.V. and educate me on boxing, take me outside and educate me on cigars, or take me to the massage parlor and educate me on…well, massages. He surprised me instead by taking me to the toy store and told me, “Pick anything you want. Take your time.” He was serious about what he said too. I picked what I wanted and I took my time. This was the day he educated me on what a grandfather is.

He graced us with his laughter.
He graced us with his charisma.
Most importantly, if you looked closely, he graced us with his love.

This is the day that we give Rockie back to you, Nana. May he continue to look after you as he did while you were sick and may you look after him as you did throughout your 35 years as husband and wife. Together now, you may continue your travels of the heart and maybe some clam chowder or pea soup along the way.